Sea Of Japan
Sea Of Japan
This picture was shot shortly after I managed to photograph the falling snow over the ocean, an artwork I titled "Awayuki".
I think these two pictures were the starting gun for a project I choose to call 97 Haiku Poems, which was later re-named Sun & Steel. Leastwise it's the working title for the moment. I still like the idea, or the concept, I had from the beginning. That each image in this series should be in a form of a haiku poem where I was trying to say as many things using as few words as possible. By exploiting the changing seasons, I could keep the whole thing together.
Anyway, writing about this picture I´m trying to remember what exactly happened during that dark trip to Hokkaido. Except that it was this one-year anniversary of my ex-girlfriend's mother sudden passing, I can only remember that this era was a very confusing time in my life.
I'll find different pictures from that trip. One picture of me, drinking beer in my ex-girlfriend's family home. It could have been yesterday or 100 years ago. I feel the bad scent of nihilism and disenchantment from that picture.
Being in your mid-twenties and completely dedicated and absorbed in some art form, you leave a lot of burned bridges behind you, so since you won´t have the chance to go back, you have no choice but to continue. It was easier in the beginning when I still was wearing this youthful arrogance well. And all the resistance thru the years filled me up with anger, frustration, and intoxication that gave me fuel to work more and even harder with my photography. But without having achieved anything special, not seeing any concrete results while the years just passed by - this youthful vitality started to fade away. It is difficult to maintain the anger and use it in a positive manner without getting just angrier and in the end, end up with just....pure rage.
Although, tonight when I´m writing this text in the city of Stockholm, in the cold light of January 2017, I look at this picture of the wave crashing in from the Sea of Japan. 8 years has passed since I was standing on that shoreline. And I feel so much joy of life today and even in that picture, so much vitality and virility from its expression that appeals far more to me today than it ever did a couple of years ago. I had it back then and I definitely still got it today. And I didn´t get totally eaten by either the enemy or by the anger.